I’m of two minds. . . often. You would think that, at my age, I’d know what I want to do, what I want to say. Not so. I am now, and I always have been, wishy-washy.

Twice in the past week I have posted pieces on this blog and, after an hour or so, deleted them. One was about divorce (not mine), the other about abortion (again, not mine or ours).

In both cases, I wanted to write about intense feelings that I have, or have had, about these things. The pieces I wrote were honest and revealing. The “honest and revealing” part is just why I deleted them. Although my family and friends don’t know about this blog (so that I can be “honest and revealing”), one never knows what Google will do, does one?

One of my many faults: I want to please everyone at the same time, all the time. I’ve met other gay men with this same trait, and all of us have had a rough time in life because of it. When I was in school (seminary), I lived 24/7 with my classmates. We all got to know one another really well over the period of ten years when we were together. My classmates told me hundreds of times that I was “wishy-washy.” What they saw that prompted this characterization is the same trait that made me delete these two posts. I can’t make up my mind because I can’t figure out how to do something without – possibly – offending someone who is important to me. My classmates also characterized me as “nice,” by the way. This characterization was another result of the same please-everybody obsession that caused “wishy-washy.” I have come to detest the adjective “nice” when it is applied to me, possibly because I know it is the result of a trait that isn’t helpful to me.

Enough of this.

Pax et bonum.



One thought on “Wishy-Washy

  1. I can relate to this. I’ve sometimes been told I am ‘too diplomatic’, because I may come off as trying to please everyone. To me this indicates that they think I am of weak character, which is unfair as I express what I truly personally feel. If I disagree with something I will speak up on it, or choose to stay silent if I can’t be bothered to debate, depending on my mood.

    But even if we do try to please everyone at times, I think it’s great we are putting in that effort. We recognise it’s difficult or impossible to please everyone, but the fact that we always at least try shows we have their feelings at heart. Our own happiness I think depends a lot on the happiness of people we care about.

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